Very Slightly Serious Telltale Signs You're Possibly A Borderline Audiophile

Hardware

You consider Surround to be nothing more than souped up quadrophony.
You pronounce Sony ``Noys''.
You have a thing for weird looking British HiFi.
You think all those treny brands like Sony, Pioneer, Philips, Panasonic, etc., are all crap.
You fry eggs on your class A power amps.
You biamp or even triamp!
You refer to cables as interconnects
You leave your gear powered 24/7 because we all know it sounds betta!
You laugh at those pathetic mini HiFi systems.
You reposition your speakers every two weeks.
You've marked the sweet spot with an ``X'' on the floor.
Your gear consumes more than 5 kWh daily.
You keep a detailed record of every cable you burn in.
You appreciate the exercise you get from jumping to the amp every time you twiddle the volume knob because you're convinced remotes deteriorate sound quality.
You actually use your amp's tone defeat feature
Your amp has three controls: on/off, volume, and input!
You never touch the bass / treble controls because your amp shouldn't have them in the first place!
You consider loudness sacriledge.
You've beaten the crap outta your kid because he bumped into your turntable.
You manually adjust the bias current in your tube amp every month - even if the circuit does that automatically!
You keep a lifetime supply of EL34s stashed away in your basement.
You bought a 2nd hand electron microscope to check your stylus before grinding some vinyl.
Your cinch -ahem- XLR connectors are cleaner than your cutlery.
Your speaker cables have been mistaken for pet boas on the loose.
Your subwoofers have triggered false alarms at the nearest seismic station.
Technical specs don't impress you, even if you do understand them.
Dynamic outbursts leave you firmly planted in your seat.
You don't give a damn about looks; as far as you're concerned, HiFi components can be ugly as sin if they sound right!
You build your entire house around a completely acoustically insulated listening room with 1m thick concrete walls and asymmetric proportions, while the rest of the house is poorly designed and pieced together with shoddy materials because you really don't give a damn!
You audition the Dynaudio Evidence driven by a pair of Mark Levinsons and remark nonchalantly that they're ``pretty good''.
You shell out $100k for ultra-high-end gear so you can listen to the Rolling Stones - when it might actually be cheaper to hire Mick Jagger & Co. to perform in your own home!
Your CD player / turntable has its own quake-proof concrete foundation (unlike your house!), because you really can't tolerate a natural catastrophe interfering with your listening pleasure.

Software

You can listen to 67 minutes of monotonous monastic chants just because it's a 20 bit recording.
You still stick to vinyl.
You still reminisce how horrible the first CDs sounded.
You complain incessantly that after all these years mainstream CDs still sound bad.
You can identify a record / CD just by looking at the grooves / pits
You can actually measure how far instruments are from the mike!
You listen for bad edits on old Beatles recordings.
You're irritated by those damn organ valves clicking every time you give the old Tocatta and Fugue a spin.
You listen to every recording of the London Philharmonic for faint rumblings of the subway seeping through the concert hall's insulation (a.k.a. trainspotting).

Voodoo

You know what fancy adjectives like fluid, homogenous,airy,dynamic, and sonorous actually mean.
You chant mantras while colouring the rims of your CDs with a marker.
You chase away the Evil Spirits of Audio that Sucks with incense.
You perform the act of placing the record on the platter as a ritual.
You've suspended your CD player on nylon threads.
You demagnetise your CDs (yeah, right).
You turn off your CD player's display because -theoretically- it improves sound quality, but you can't really say for sure.

Social Skills

You judge people by the quality of the recordings in their CD collection.
When somebody tries to strike up a conversation with you, you turn up the volume.
You have no friends!

Created Tue Feb 11 23:36:17 CET 2003 by GanjaTron