Very Slightly Serious Telltale Signs You're Possibly
A Borderline Audiophile
- You consider Surround to be nothing more than souped up
- You pronounce Sony ``Noys''.
- You have a thing for weird looking British HiFi.
- You think all those treny brands like Sony, Pioneer, Philips,
Panasonic, etc., are all crap.
- You fry eggs on your class A power amps.
- You biamp or even triamp!
- You refer to cables as interconnects
- You leave your gear powered 24/7 because we all know it
- You laugh at those pathetic mini HiFi systems.
- You reposition your speakers every two weeks.
- You've marked the sweet spot with an ``X'' on the floor.
- Your gear consumes more than 5 kWh daily.
- You keep a detailed record of every cable you burn in.
- You appreciate the exercise you get from jumping to the amp
every time you twiddle the volume knob because you're convinced
remotes deteriorate sound quality.
- You actually use your amp's tone defeat feature
- Your amp has three controls: on/off, volume, and input!
- You never touch the bass / treble controls because your amp
shouldn't have them in the first place!
- You consider loudness sacriledge.
- You've beaten the crap outta your kid because he bumped into
- You manually adjust the bias current in your tube amp every
month - even if the circuit does that automatically!
- You keep a lifetime supply of EL34s stashed away in your
- You bought a 2nd hand electron microscope to check your
stylus before grinding some vinyl.
- Your cinch -ahem- XLR connectors are cleaner than your
- Your speaker cables have been mistaken for pet boas on the
- Your subwoofers have triggered false alarms at the nearest
- Technical specs don't impress you, even if you do
- Dynamic outbursts leave you firmly planted in your seat.
- You don't give a damn about looks; as far as you're
concerned, HiFi components can be ugly as sin if they sound
- You build your entire house around a completely acoustically
insulated listening room with 1m thick concrete walls and
asymmetric proportions, while the rest of the house is poorly
designed and pieced together with shoddy materials because you
really don't give a damn!
- You audition the Dynaudio Evidence driven by a pair of Mark
Levinsons and remark nonchalantly that they're ``pretty
- You shell out $100k for ultra-high-end gear so you can
listen to the Rolling Stones - when it might actually be
cheaper to hire Mick Jagger & Co. to perform in your own home!
- Your CD player / turntable has its own quake-proof
concrete foundation (unlike your house!), because you really
can't tolerate a natural catastrophe interfering with your
- You can listen to 67 minutes of monotonous monastic chants just
because it's a 20 bit recording.
- You still stick to vinyl.
- You still reminisce how horrible the first CDs sounded.
- You complain incessantly that after all these years mainstream
CDs still sound bad.
- You can identify a record / CD just by looking at the
grooves / pits
- You can actually measure how far instruments are from
- You listen for bad edits on old Beatles recordings.
- You're irritated by those damn organ valves clicking every
time you give the old Tocatta and Fugue a spin.
- You listen to every recording of the London Philharmonic for
faint rumblings of the subway seeping through the concert hall's
insulation (a.k.a. trainspotting).
- You know what fancy adjectives like fluid, homogenous,airy,dynamic,
and sonorous actually mean.
- You chant mantras while colouring the rims of your CDs with
- You chase away the Evil Spirits of Audio that Sucks with
- You perform the act of placing the record on the platter as
- You've suspended your CD player on nylon threads.
- You demagnetise your CDs (yeah, right).
- You turn off your CD player's display because -theoretically-
it improves sound quality, but you can't really say for sure.
- You judge people by the quality of the recordings in their
- When somebody tries to strike up a conversation with you, you
turn up the volume.
- You have no friends!
©2003 by GanjaTron
Created Tue Feb 11 23:36:17 CET 2003 by GanjaTron